I've started doing a self portrait every day. I think it would be amazing if I could continue eternally, to see the way I change. Self perception is such a transient thing. Should I create a new account to house them or place them here?
I've been thinking a lot about Tuesday and it's bizarre and not in a 'bizarre that I still miss you and I didn't realise til I saw you' way but bizarre in that I'm pretty amazed at how much you seem to have changed. It was surreal, almost like meeting a perfect stranger who is kind of like you were before but strightens their hair and changes their voice all the time and tells me how much their shirt cost even though I never commented on it. I know now that a friendship probably isn't on the cards. You that is not Benny, or Fox, or any version of the lover that existed in my memory. You seem much more grounded to this material world, in fact you are buffeted, driven by it. I know it was only a fleeting meeting but I think I have you in one, Mr. Mr. of the Labels and the Modeling and the Money. It doesn't matter to me that you dress better but it does matter that you don't listen anywhere near as well as you used to when I loved you and you didn't know how handsome you were and I wished your ribs were roots so I could have grounded you and I to that instant and that bed.